Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
