I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
