i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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