I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
