I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
