Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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