i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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