she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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