so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
