im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Randomize
