What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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