i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
