We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
