I feel great
I just peed on a car
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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