literally had 100 drinks last night.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
