That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
