woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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