Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
