Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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