He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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