That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
There's a naked man in my car right now.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
