U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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