Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
