she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Sex in the backyard? Check.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
