when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
