my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
