Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
