Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize
