oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Randomize
