Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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