Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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