i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He shit in the fireplace
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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