who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
