Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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