Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
