The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
