You don't have asthma, your pregnant
the condom got lost in my hair
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
