I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
someone owes me an orgasm
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
