You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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