i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
