those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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