i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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