I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
