I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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