Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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