I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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