One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
