I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
