I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
