I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
